What flies all day but doesn't get anywhere?
A: A flag!
Why is the sky so high?
A: So the birds don't bump their heads?
- What runs but never gets away?
A: A refridgerator!
- What's bright orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot!!
- What looks like 1/2 a lemon?
A: The other half!
Shelby coming round the mountain when she comes!
What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A: It let out a little wine.
- Knock, Knock!
Witches the way home? (good one Kelsey)
- What runs but doesn't have legs?
- What kind of button can you not button?
A: A belly button
What did the banjo say to the musician?
A: Stop picking on me!
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A: Because her students were so bright!
- Doctor, Doctor! People keep ignoring me!
- When does it rain money?
A: When there is a change in the weather!!
- Doctor, Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards
This needs to be dealt with.
What's the first thing a dolphin learns in school?
A: A, B, Seas!
How did the girl get crumbs in her hair?
A: She put it in a bun!
- What kind of bird eats a lot?
A: A Swallow! (I like that one Emma!)
- Who tells the best egg jokes?
A: A comedi-hen!!
- What is a tree's favourite drink?
A: Root Beer
Who gives presents to sharks?
A: Santa Jaws!
What happed when the Werewolf swallowed a clock?
A: He got ticks!
- Where can you get a cheap yacht?
A: In a sail!
- When is a car not a car?
A: When it turns into a garage!!
- What's the best way to double your money?
A: Fold it!
Why did the moon go to the bank?
A: To get its first quarter!
How do cows find their way home?
A: The milky way! (Good Joke Mme. Wanner's class)
- What do you call a Sleeping Bull?
A: A Bull-Dozer!
- What did the hand do after graduation?
A: It joined the ARM-Y !!(Thanks Emma!)
- What do vegetables wear when they get married?
A: Onion rings!
How does and elephant get down from a tree?
A: It sits on a tree and waits for fall!
Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Would you like to try to iron one?
- Why do skeleton's play the piano?
A: Because they don't have organs!
- What did the police say to his stomach?
A: You are under a-vest!!(good one Emma!)
- Why was the Ocean embarrassed?
A: Because everyone could see its bottom!
What has a long trunk and is found in the north pole?
A: A lost Elephant!
How does the sea great the sand?
- What is the best day to go to the beach?
- What washes up on small beaches?
A: A micro-wave!!
- When is a boat not a boat?
A: When its a float!
Son: "Dad! There's a man with a beard at the door"!
Dad: "Tell him I already have one"!
How much do pirates pay for earings?
A: A buckaneer!
- What do you given an elephant with big feet?
A: A lot of room!
- What do you call a duck with fangs?
A: Count Quackula!!
- What did one cow say to the other cow?
A: How moooo doing?
What's black, white and green?
A: Two Skunks and a pickle!
What do you call an underwater spy?
A: James Pond! - Another good one Emma
- Did you hear the story about the pencil?
A: Oh forget it there is no point!
- Why did thte ball player bring rope to the game?
A: He wanted to tie the score!! (good joke Emma)
- What is the sweetest dog?
A: A chocolate lab! (Love that one Emma W.)
How does an electric eel taste?
A: Shocking! (good one Emma)
When 10 mice fall in a lake, what's that first thing they do?
A: Get wet! (Thanks Emma)
- What di done plate say to the other? ?
A: Lunch is on me!
- Knock Knock!
Don't get excited - its only a joke!
- What kind of key can open doors and bananas?
A: A mon-key
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you Kelly?
A: No I didn't miss it a bit!
Why can't elephants drive cars?
A: Their feet are too big for the pedals.
- Why did the fish tell excuses?
A: To get off the hook!
- Why did the boy put lipstick on his forehead ?
A: He wanted to make up his mind!!
- Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can hoe, hoe, hoe!
What has teeth but can't eat?
A: A comb !
What kind of table does a math teacher sit at?
A: A times table!
- What did the scissors say to the hair?
A: It won't be long now.
- What did the filling say to the doughnut?
A: It's jam packed in here!!
- What do you call a snake on a car window?
A: A windshield viper
What kind of coat is put on when it's wet?
A: A coat of paint!
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
- What's a ghost's favourite fruit?
- Why did the student eat his homework?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!!
- Why did the boy bring his pencil to bed?
A: So he could draw the curtains!
What did one turtle say to the other turtle?
A: I shell love you forever!
What kind of reptile is always on the phone?
A: A croc-o-dile!
- What do you know about nitrates?
A: They are better than day rates!
- Why don't giraffe's ever say sorry?
A: Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride!!
- What's a shrimp's favourite place to shop?
A:At a prawn shop!
Where do tad-poles turn into frogs?
A: In the croak room!
Who steals the soap in the bathroom?
A:The rubber ducky!
- What do Hippo's have that no other animal has?
A: Baby Hippos!
- Doctor, Doctor! I think I am a deer!
- Why does the ocean roar?
A: You would too if you had Sharks in your bed!
Why are fishermen like mad dogs?
A: They always want a bite!
What did the crab buy at the bakery?
- What is the left side of the cake?
A: The side that's not eaten
- A man asks the waiter in an angry voice "Waiter what's that fly doing in my soup"?
The waiter looks at the fly and says "I believe he's doing the breaststroke sir"!!
- What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A: Where's my tractor? (Thanks Emma)
What has a tail and a head but no body?
A: A quarter!
Whats a dough-nut?
A:Someone that's crazy about money!
- How do you make a snake cry?
A: Take away its rattle! (lol - good one Emma W.)
- What do you call a baby whale when he cries?
A: A little blubber!!
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a whitch?
A: A cold spell!!
What's at the end of the rainbow?
A: The letter "W"! (Good one Emma!)
What asks no questions but must be answered?
A:The doorbell!(Good one from Mme. Wanner's class)
- Doctor, Doctor! I keep thinking I am a needle!
- How did the cabbage talk to the lettuce?
A: Head to head!!
- Why did the envelope go to Calgary?
A: For the STAMP-ede!! (That's a good one Emma W!)
Where do you weigh a pie?
A: Some where over the rainbow, weigh a pie (way up high)
Where does Valentine's Day come after Easter?
A:In the dictionary!(Great Joke Emma W.!)
- What is Winter's favourite drink?
A: A frosty!
- How does a mouse feel after a bath?
A: Squeaky Clean!!
- What do you call a cat that bowls?
A: An Alley CAT!!
Knock knock. Who's there? Knox.
Kenya hear me knoking?(Thanks 4 the joke Mackenzie!)
What animal is the the most dull at parties?
A:A boar!(Great Joke Mackenzie!)
- What's black and white and read all over?
A: A newspaper.
do you use to fix a broken fire?
A: A fire drill!!
can you tell when a fire is sick?
A: When it doesn't feel too hot!!
kind of Match is no good for starting a campfire?
A: A tennis match!!
didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A:He didn't have the guts. (Thanks to Isaiah for this submission)
- A plane crashed on the boarder of Canada and the United
States. Where do they bury the survivors?
A: They don't bury survivors!(A.C. Boatman)
were three frogs that lived in the bathroom. It was time for bed, so
they each chose where they were going to sleep. One slept in the sink,
one slept in the bathtub, and the last one slept in the toilet. The
next morning, they each asked each other how their sleep was. The one
in the sink said his sleep was comfortable and the one in the bathtub
said his was great. Then they asked the frog that slept in the toilet.
And he said, "My sleep was horrible. First it rained, then it thundered,
and to top it off a log nearly fell on me, I could have died!"
do you call a fly, a car, and a pet?
A flying Carpet!
Amosquito bit me!
Andy bit me again!
- What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
What do you get when you come across a parrot and a centipede?
was the knight afraid of the bug?
Because it was a dragonfly!
was six afraid of seven?
Because 7 ATE 9!
The summer band class I taught was just getting underway when a large insect flew into the room.
The sixth-graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments,
tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy,
could stand it no more.
He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect and then stomped on it to ensure its fate.
"Is it a bee?" another student asked.
"Nope," Tommy replied. "Bee flat."
Aw don't cry!